I’m sorry that someone taught you that it was better to hide than love yourself. I know you’re so scared to let anyone see you that it’s better to build the walls and shut out all the feeling. I know that rejection feels to you like abandonment and it hurts so badly that any small critique digs into the wound.

You didn’t deserve that lesson. No matter how they justified it to you.

I’m sorry there’s no way for me to a be a better partner to you than to stop you from railroading me in your frantic effort to hide. I’m sorry that makes me the enemy.

It might be a long time until you believe it, if ever, but I really did just want to love you.

I know you blame my baggage for where we are now. I wish it wasn’t there either. I also wish it didn’t give you an excuse to dismiss my concerns about you. The way you’re acting, talking, it’s all too familiar. I see you, even if you aren’t ready to see yourself.

I imagine sometimes that the version you showed me at the beginning is the you that you would like to be. You were open, kind, compassionate, and honest. You weren’t perfect, but I really thought you were perfect for me.

I don’t know if that person is gone, a figment of my imagination, or a total fabrication on your part but I hope that person that I saw for the first year of our relationship is the real you. I hope you make peace with him someday. I really liked him. I really would love our son to experience his dad like that.

Regardless of what happens next, thank you for trying. I know you did, until it hurt too much to push forward.

I hope someday you love yourself too. You deserve it. You always did.